5 Common Signs You Need Shadow Work (And How to Start)
There was a time in my life when I was just surviving. I wasn’t really living, and I definitely wasn’t thriving. I thought I had left all my past trauma behind me, neatly packed away in the corners of my mind. But it didn’t take long for everything I’d buried to start seeping out into my daily life—how I reacted to my kids, my husband, and even myself.
It was like the past was a shadow that followed me everywhere I went. That’s when I realized I needed to start doing shadow work.
If you’ve never heard of shadow work, don’t worry, I’ve been there. I remember wondering, “Is this some dark, mysterious thing? Is it evil?” (Spoiler: it’s not. If you’re curious, I wrote a whole post about Is Shadow Work Evil?)
But let’s talk about why shadow work might be something you need to explore. Here are 5 common signs that shadow work could help you heal.
1. You’re Triggered by Certain People or Situations (And You’re Not Sure Why)
Ever find yourself reacting way too strongly to something small? Maybe it’s a comment someone made, or something your partner does that sets you off. Deep down, you know your reaction is bigger than the situation calls for, but you can’t help it.
That’s a sign that something unresolved is lingering in the background.
For me, it showed up as constant irritation with my kids. I love them more than life itself, but there were moments when their behavior triggered something deeper in me—something that had nothing to do with them and everything to do with my own past. I was reacting from a place of unhealed trauma, and it took shadow work to figure out what that was all about.
2. You Struggle with Self-Love (And You’re Constantly Running on Empty)
This one hit me hard. I spent years giving everything I had to everyone around me—my husband, my kids, friends, even strangers. I loved my husband to the moon and back and then 100 extra miles past my empty tank.
But for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to love me.
I didn’t even know where to begin.
Shadow work showed me that my inability to love myself came from unresolved pain. I was carrying childhood wounds, messages that told me I wasn’t enough, and they kept replaying in my head like a broken record. It’s only when you start working through those layers of trauma that you begin to understand where the lack of self-love comes from.
And when you finally see it? It’s like a lightbulb moment.
If you’re an empath like me, it’s even more important to do this work. We feel everything so deeply, and if you’re not careful, you end up carrying everyone else’s emotions on top of your own. It’s exhausting.
I’ve written a post on Empath Self-Care Tips: Strategies for Thriving that might help if you’re finding it hard to balance taking care of yourself and the world around you.
3. You Keep Repeating Negative Patterns (And Don’t Know How to Break Them)
Have you noticed that the same things keep happening in your life, over and over again? Maybe you’re constantly drawn to toxic relationships, or you find yourself in the same arguments with your partner, your kids, or even friends. It’s frustrating because deep down, you know you want to change, but somehow you keep falling into the same patterns.
For me, I realized I was recreating dynamics from my childhood. The way I interacted with my family mirrored relationships I had growing up.
Once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it, and that’s when shadow work became my lifeline. It’s through facing those shadows that I started to break the cycle.
If you’re struggling to break free from your own patterns, I’ve put together 12 Shadow Work Prompts for Letting Go to help you begin unpacking the beliefs and behaviors that might be holding you back. Sometimes all it takes is the right question to unlock what’s been stuck.
4. You Feel Disconnected from Yourself (Like Something’s Missing)
I spent so long taking care of everyone else that I lost touch with who I was. I didn’t even know what I needed anymore, let alone what I wanted. I’d lie awake at night, wondering why I felt so disconnected from myself. It was like there was a piece of me missing, and I had no idea where to find it.
That’s another sign that shadow work might be needed. Sometimes, the parts of ourselves we’ve pushed away are the very things we need to feel whole again. I’ve had to dig deep to uncover those lost pieces—whether it was my confidence, my sense of purpose, or even my ability to relax and just be.
Shadow work helped me reconnect with those parts of myself I had buried.
If you’re feeling disconnected and unsure of where to start, you might want to try a tarot spread for shadow work. I’ve found tarot to be an amazing tool for self-reflection and guidance.
You can check out my Shadow Work Tarot Spread: Deep Healing post, or if you want to see how it looks in practice, I’ve shared an Example Shadow Work Tarot Spread Reading to give you a sense of what to expect.
5. You’re Carrying Emotional Baggage from the Past (And It’s Weighing You Down)
This one is a big one. If you’re still holding onto pain from the past, it can feel like you’re dragging around a heavy suitcase full of old emotions that you just can’t seem to put down. Maybe it’s from childhood, or maybe it’s from a past relationship or experience that hurt you more than you want to admit.
For me, it was all of the above. Childhood trauma, past heartbreaks, feelings of unworthiness that never seemed to go away. I thought I had moved on, but the weight of those experiences stayed with me, showing up in how I reacted to the people I loved most.
That’s what shadow work is all about—acknowledging that emotional baggage, processing it, and finally releasing it. It’s not easy, and it’s definitely not comfortable, but once you start, you’ll notice how much lighter you feel.
If you’re new to shadow work, you can read more about it in my post, What Is Shadow Work?, where I dive deeper into how it works and why it’s such a powerful tool for healing.
How to Get Started with Shadow Work
If you’re reading this and realizing that you might need some shadow work in your life, the good news is that you don’t have to dive in all at once. Start small. Reflect on what keeps coming up for you—whether it’s patterns, triggers, or a general sense of feeling stuck.
You can begin by journaling, using shadow work prompts, or even turning to tarot for guidance. Be gentle with yourself, because this isn’t easy work.
But it’s worth it.
You’ll start to understand yourself on a deeper level, and that’s where healing begins.
Shadow work isn’t about fixing what’s broken—it’s about healing what’s hurt. And as someone who’s been through it, I can tell you this: you’re stronger than you think. You’ve got this.
Love, Nicole.
