Self-love First! Cultivate self Compassion

Are you ready to embark on a journey that will transform your relationship with yourself? Cultivating self-love and compassion is essential to personal growth, emotional healing, and overall well-being. In this blog post, we’ll explore the importance of self-love, discuss common obstacles, and provide practical strategies to help you nurture a loving and compassionate relationship with yourself.

Why Self-Love and Compassion Matter

Too often, we prioritize the needs of others over our own, neglecting our emotional and physical well-being in the process. By cultivating self-love and compassion, we learn to treat ourselves with kindness, understanding, and care, which leads to increased self-confidence, emotional resilience, and healthier relationships with others. You are the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Every second of every day, you are in the company of yourself — so it is crucial to learn how to be a good friend and companion. This was not something I practiced before I started healing. I was way more worried about being a good friend to everybody else and far too critical and harsh on myself.

6 Common Obstacles to Self-Love and Compassion

We may think we are too broken, undeserving of love, or too far gone to cultivate self-love and compassion. We can be overcome by guilt, shame, and regret for the past. We can be paralyzed by fear and overwhelmed by anxiety about the future. These emotions can make it difficult to feel worthy of love, but they do not have to be permanent fixtures in your life.

Here are the most common ways that block us from loving ourselves:

Negative Self-talk: 

We often have a strong inner critic that tells us we’re not good enough or don’t deserve love and happiness. This negative self-talk can be a significant barrier to self-love and compassion. This talk can show up in the form of thoughts like “I’m not worthy,” “I don’t deserve love,” or “I’ll never be good enough.”

I know that you know how it goes. Every time you attempt to do something, this voice tells you tirelessly that you can’t do it. When I’m in a reading, and I don’t connect well, those thoughts will start to show up. It’s like a virus that is always there, ready to take over your brain whenever it can. But the tool that I have found the most helpful is to pivot.

Here’s an example: I start a session, and I’m not getting anything. No visuals, no sound, nothing is coming in. My brain freaks out, and that little voice starts, “You’re not good at this. You should give up before you’re shamed in front of everyone who started to believe in you!” When I notice this, I ask myself if I am reaching for the information and not receiving it. 9 times out of 10, I am. I quickly readjust my focus and pull instead of push. I make sure to tell myself it happens. I change the narrative of my self-talk. I pivot from I can’t do this, to, let me find a way I can.

Past Trauma: 

Experiences of trauma or abuse can leave us feeling unworthy of love and kindness, making it challenging to cultivate self-love and compassion.

This can show up as self-sabotage, lack of trust in ourselves and others, or feelings of guilt and shame. These can happen when we are reminded of our past trauma, somehow like being triggered by someones else’s behavior or even just a sound.

One of my triggers used to be the feel of corduroy clothing. I would avoid it entirely, and if I did happen to come in contact with it, the emotions would rise up just as though I was that hurt little girl again. I didn’t face those feelings. I pushed them down and buried them until my fingers crossed them again and again. And being an avid thrift store shopper, let’s just say it comes up a lot.

Low Self-esteem: 

Low self-esteem can prevent us from believing we deserve to be loved and cared for. This can lead us to engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as people-pleasing or avoidance of difficult conversations.

People pleasing used to be my number one goal in life because I didn’t want the people in my life to leave me. I thought that if I kept everyone happy, then they would stay in my life and not abandon me as my parents did in one way or another. After starting my healing journey, I learned I had extreme codependency, which taught me extreme empathy for others.

There was a big problem because I did not want people to leave me and didn’t want to feel their pain or uncomfortableness in any given situation. I was not only a people pleaser but also a fixer. The problem was that it left me feeling drained and like I didn’t have a voice, opinion, or time of my own.

Societal Expectations: 

Society often places unrealistic expectations on us, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism when we don’t measure up.

In our daily lives, we are shown on TV, in movies, in magazines, or even on social media that we have to look a certain way, act a certain way or live our lives in a particular manner. Our social contracts with the people in our lives can also create a certain amount of pressure to be like them. These expectations are hard to un-root and can often lead us down a path of self-doubt and comparison.

I noticed a lot when I started my spiritual journey. The pressure of developing as a psychic medium and my whole world knowing about it initially scared me. I had to face the fact that I was different and that it was ok. It took me a while to understand this and realize that those expectations of who I should and shouldn’t be or live my life were only a reflection of other people’s beliefs, not mine. It was a fear I had to overcome, and what was on the other side of that fear block was amazing.

Limiting Beliefs:  

Negative beliefs about ourselves can originate from our upbringing, past experiences, or cultural messages. These limiting beliefs can be powerful obstacles to self-love and compassion.

We tend to internalize words spoken to us, whether good or bad. We can become very sensitive to criticism, even constructive criticism that can lead to our growth. Criticism from others can be damaging, especially when we take it to heart and believe it is true.

I still remember when my brother told me I would be a terrible mom when I grew up. I sat there staring at the baby doll in my hands and argued he was lying. But it was too late. The words had a lasting effect on me. I started to believe that I was not good enough to be someone’s mom, especially when I discovered as an adult that my husband and I couldn’t have children. That one simple thing he said to me had just expanded into God / Universe didn’t think I would be a good mother too. So now, that thought had a significant foundation and limited me in such a profound way.

After feeling the loss for a bit, I decided my desire to be a mother was stronger. Long story short, we became foster parents and did it for 10 years. In that process, we adopted 3 wonderful children from foster care. But this thought still arises occasionally, but primarily when parenting struggles occur. But you see what I mean by limiting beliefs. They can have a deep-rooted hold on you and block you from actual growth.

Perfectionism:  

Perfectionism can be a significant obstacle to self-growth. It is an unhealthy way of thinking that keeps us from achieving our goals because we are so focused on why they may not work out that we forget the bigger picture of our plans. Perfectionism can also be an excuse to avoid taking risks and trying new things.

I struggled with perfectionism in my life for the longest time. I was always trying to make things perfect before doing them, which kept me from taking action or doing anything. I had to learn that making mistakes and being imperfect was ok because that is part of the learning process. When we embrace our flaws and imperfections, we open ourselves to self-growth and self-love.

This showed up enormously when I decided to create my website. I opted to get a premade theme loaded with pages I didn’t need. It was overwhelming to see everything I had to make perfect and how it could go wrong. After months of procrastination, I decided to dive in and make it happen. It could be better, but it improves daily as I tweak it. I was using it as an excuse not to start and stall myself because I didn’t feel ready to be out in the world. 

Strategies for Cultivating Self-Love and Compassion

• Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness encourages us to place our attention on the moment and be present and non-judgmental, allowing us to observe our thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. By practicing mindfulness regularly, we can notice and challenge negative self-talk and replace it with a way better way of talking to ourselves internally and externally.

• Set healthy boundaries: Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries with others is crucial for self-love and compassion. By setting limits, we communicate to ourselves and others that our needs and feelings matter.

Boundaries: a Key to Spiritual and Personal Growth?

• Develop a self-care routine: Dedicate time to nurturing your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. This could include exercise, meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature. Sometimes this can even be as simple as showering or putting on makeup. You get to choose what your self-care looks like, not the person who is not responsible for it.

• Forgive yourself: We all make big and little mistakes and have major and minor regrets. Instead of harshly judging yourself, practice forgiveness and use those experiences as opportunities for growth and learning. Remember to be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to make mistakes.

• Seek professional support: If you struggle with self-love and compassion, consider working with a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support on your journey.

• Learn to use gratitude correctly: It’s easy to focus on what we lack and feel as though we’re not enough. However, gratitude can shift our perspective and help us appreciate what we have. This changes how the universe or God responds to what you bring into your life. AKA, you get what you look for.

The Huffpost has 8 Realistic Self-Love Habits You Can Start Practicing Right Now, have a look if you want to read more.

Embracing the Journey

I invite you to take some time for self-reflection.

• What would it feel like to fill your heart with love and compassion for yourself?
• What challenges have you faced that taught you something about self-love and acceptance?
• What strategies have you found helpful in your journey to loving yourself more?
• How can you practice self-care and self-compassion today?
• What small changes can I make to become more loving and compassionate towards myself?

Take some time to explore these questions, and use that insight to move forward on your journey of self-love and growth. Remember that it’s an ongoing process that requires patience, commitment, and self-compassion.

Cultivating self-love and compassion is an ongoing process that requires patience, commitment, and practice. Remember to be gentle with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way. With time and dedication, you’ll develop a more loving and compassionate relationship with yourself, positively impacting all aspects of your life.

Take the time to connect with your heart and spirit and be kind to yourself. Self-love is a journey of self-discovery and learning how to love yourself unconditionally. May you find the courage and strength to be your true self, for that is when all the beauty, joy, and love will come alive. We are each so deserving of love!

You have the power within you to create a life filled with joy. Now is the time to take action and make your life a love story!