Shadow Integration: Lasts Steps in Shadow work
If you’ve already started doing shadow work, you know how messy and emotional it can be. After peeling back layers of yourself that you didn’t even know existed, shadow integration can look intimidating, for sure.
I’ve been there too.
As an empath who felt everything deeply, and as a woman who had a lot of trauma—both as a child and later as an adult—it wasn’t long before I realized I was breaking under the weight of it all.
Worse, I was unknowingly passing that same pain down to my kids.
I loved them more than anything, but there were times I would react in ways that came from the trauma I hadn’t dealt with. The impatience, the frustration—it wasn’t their fault, but I could see my own unhealed wounds spilling into the way I mothered.
And my husband? I loved him to the moon and back, but I couldn’t bring myself to give that same kind of love to myself.
I’d run myself dry giving everything to others while leaving nothing for me. My codependency was out of control.
Shadow work helped me face those parts of myself that I had ignored for so long. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that doing the work is only part of the process. The real transformation happens when you integrate your shadow.
That’s the final step—and it’s where true healing takes place.
What Does It Mean to “Integrate” Your Shadow?
Integrating your shadow is about accepting those parts of yourself that you’ve uncovered through shadow work. It’s not enough to recognize them and call them out. Integration is when you stop pushing them away and, instead, start living with them in a healthy way.
It’s about acknowledging, “Yeah, I have these parts of myself that are messy, broken, or difficult, but they don’t define me—and I don’t have to run from them anymore.”
I remember reaching this point in my own journey. After I’d spent time digging into my past and confronting my pain, I realized I was still trying to “fix” myself. I thought if I just did enough work, I could make those difficult emotions disappear.
But that’s not how healing works. Those parts of me weren’t going anywhere.
And honestly? They didn’t need to. They were a part of me, and I had to learn how to live with them, not hide from them.
If you’re just getting started on your shadow work journey and want to understand more about what shadow work is, I have a post on What Is Shadow Work that gets into it. It’s a good place to begin before thinking about integration. You can thank Carl Jung the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst for his deep work on the subconscious and introducing us to shadow work.
The Journey to Acceptance
When I talk about integrating your shadow, I’m really talking about self-acceptance. And let me tell you, it’s hard. As an empath, I had always focused on taking care of everyone else, feeling their pain and their emotions like they were my own.
But my own emotions?
I didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with those.
So, I stuffed them down, thinking they’d eventually disappear if I just focused hard enough on everyone else.
But here’s the thing: your shadow doesn’t go away just because you ignore it. It lingers. It shapes how you show up in the world—how you respond to stress, how you react to your loved ones, and how you treat yourself. For me, it showed up in the way I overreacted to small things my kids did, or how I let myself run on empty, giving everything to others while leaving nothing for myself.
When I finally reached a breaking point, shadow work helped me see what I had been avoiding. But it wasn’t until I started accepting those parts of me—really embracing them—that I began to feel whole again.
If you’re struggling to love yourself through this process, shadow work might feel overwhelming. I have 12 Shadow Work Prompts for Letting Go that helped me start releasing the guilt and shame I carried for so long.
Signs You’re Ready for Shadow Integration
So, how do you know when you’re ready to integrate your shadow? Here are a few signs that you might be at that stage:
- You’ve Identified Your Patterns
You’ve started to notice the patterns in your life—the things that keep coming up, even though you’ve tried to push them down. Maybe it’s a fear of abandonment, a tendency to self-sabotage, or feelings of unworthiness. Whatever it is, you can see it now, and that’s a huge step. - You’re Tired of Running
You’ve faced your shadow, but you’re exhausted from constantly feeling like you need to “fix” yourself. You’re starting to realize that maybe it’s not about changing who you are, but about accepting who you are. - You Want to Heal, Not Hide
You’re ready to stop hiding from your pain. Instead of running from the parts of yourself you don’t like, you want to learn how to live with them—how to give those parts the love and attention they need.
If any of that sounds familiar, you might be ready for integration. If you’re still unsure, I wrote a post called 5 Common Signs You Need Shadow Work (And How to Start) that can help you figure out where you are in your healing process.
How to Start Integrating Your Shadow
So, how do you actually start integrating your shadow? For me, it was a mix of reflection, self-compassion, and tarot. I know, tarot might not be everyone’s go-to, but it was a tool that helped me connect with my intuition and look deeper into the parts of myself that I had a hard time seeing clearly.
If you’re interested in using tarot for this part of your journey, I’ve created a Shadow Work Tarot Spread: Deep Healing that can help guide you.
Here are a few ways to start integrating your shadow:
- Practice Radical Self-Compassion
You’ve done the hard work of facing your shadow. Now it’s time to give yourself some grace. Those parts of you that are difficult to look at? They need love, too. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel all of your emotions, even the messy ones. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Healing is not about perfection; it’s about progress.
- Create a Dialogue with Your Shadow
Instead of trying to “fix” or silence your shadow, start a conversation with it. What does it need? What’s it trying to protect you from? Sometimes, the parts of ourselves we fear the most are just trying to keep us safe. When you understand where those feelings are coming from, you can work with them instead of against them. - Set Boundaries and Take Care of Your Energy
As an empath, learning to set boundaries has been one of the most important steps in my healing. We absorb so much from others, and without boundaries, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. If this resonates with you, I wrote a post on Empath Self-Care Tips: Strategies for Thriving that might help you find balance as you continue doing shadow work. - Let Go of Perfection
There is no perfect way to integrate your shadow. You’ll have good days and bad days, and that’s okay. The point is to keep showing up for yourself, even when it’s hard.
Final Thoughts on Shadow Integration
Integrating your shadow is not a one-and-done deal. It’s a process—a daily practice of accepting who you are, all of who you are. It’s about recognizing that your past, your trauma, your pain—they’re all part of your story, but they don’t have to define your future.
If you’re just beginning your shadow work journey, or if you’ve hit a roadblock and don’t know how to move forward, tarot might be a tool worth exploring.
I’ve shared an Example Shadow Work Tarot Spread Reading that shows how the cards can offer insight when words fall short.
Remember, integrating your shadow is about finding peace with yourself. It’s about no longer running from the parts of you that you’ve kept hidden for so long. And while it’s tough work, I can tell you from experience—it’s worth it.
You deserve to feel whole again.
You deserve to love yourself fully, shadow and all.
Love, Nicole.
